The Languages of Love

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Love is more than a feeling. It is a language, and not everyone speaks the same one.


Falling in love is intoxicating. Literally. The hormone cocktail your body produces at love’s first blush is the chemical equivalent of being high on cocaine. And as anyone who has been in a long term relationship can attest, this first phase of love doesn’t last forever. According to science usually not longer than 18 months. Which may be why the average relationship today lasts no longer than 2 years. We love being love drunk.

Moving out of the infatuation phase of love does NOT signal the end. But it is when most couples start finding complaint with their partnerships. Love that once felt easy and passionate now requires effort. And the person we once trusted with our deepest truths no longer seems to understand us. Or worse, love us.

It may be a simple solution, your partner may not be speaking your love language, and you might not be speaking theirs. Understanding how you and your partner communicate love is the first step to feeling connected and fulfilled in relationship.

In his book The Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman introduces his theory of love languages. Each love language has particular behaviours that go along with it. We give and receive love in five main ways: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch.

If you are unsure of what your primary love language is, you can take Dr.Chapmans free quiz here.

While we may appreciate all 5 love languages, there is usually one or two main ways in which we express and experience love.

If Words of Affirmation is your primary love language, you will love hearing your partner voice that you are love and adored, and why. Being verbally acknowledged and appreciated will be the key to your heart.

If Quality Time is your first choice, you will feel most fulfilled spending quality time with the person you love. You want that time to be meaningful and memorable. Love for you feels best when you are sharing time and space, doing things together.

Perhaps your love language is Gifts. If so you will feel most in love when giving or receiving thoughtful cards, tokens of affection, flowers (just because), or that special something you’ve been eyeing, wrapped with a bow. Thoughtful gifts and material shows of affection are what make you swoon.

If Physical Touch is your love language, you will love to cuddle, hold hands, kiss, touch and be touched often. For you, the world of love is expressed and experienced though your body.

And lastly if your love language is Acts of Service you will appreciate doing and having things done for you. A home cooked meal, something fixed within your home, help with the kids, or having your car filled with gas will warm your heart. BEING SERVED and SERVING is when you feel the most LOVED.

So you’ve identified your love language, now what?

Try to identify your partners’ love language. Typically we express love the way that we want to receive it. How is your partner telling you that you are loved? Try acknowledging your partner for their efforts. Gratitude and appreciation go a long way, and often make us more open to each others’needs. Ask your partner when they feel the most loved by you, and make an effort to speak their love language more frequently. And share your love language with your partner. We have a deep desire to make each other happy. Besides, learning a new language can be fun. Especially if it means more quality time, extra cuddles, home cooked meals, sweet nothings whispered in your ear and flowers…just because.

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© 2014 Odessa Gill

© 2014 Odessa Gill | Natural Fertility Clinic Toronto West
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